I’ve fought with my desire to control for years.
We’re all hurtling through the world, like pinballs ricocheting off one another. While it’s reasonable to expect today will look a lot like yesterday, the truth is we’re thrust head-first into the unknown each morning.
This is something I’ve always struggled with.
I don’t like change. I don’t do well when forced to wriggle around in unknown circumstances. I will kick and scream and drag my feet, insisting life meet me on my terms. It’s a desire to control how everything turns out, propelled by my deep-seated fear thing won’t turn out the way I expect them. It’s an impulse, a bad habit, a pattern of thought.
Truth is, this isn’t any way to live a life. And it’s something I’ve been working to change. Making art has taught me about the process of letting go. The work takes on an entire life of its own when you stop worrying about how you’re doing and instead focus on the act of creating. All you can do is the work. The finished product will be what it will be. And often times, it’d better than you could have ever imagined, but only because you let go of your expectations.
This practice works on a small scale, but I’ve been trying on implement it into my life as a whole. Instead of constantly worrying about how I’m doing, I’m trying hard to live my life. The work of life is living. And all you can do is the work.
Trust the rest will take care of itself.